SINGLES! The
carefree group. The people without any
responsibilities. The “swingers.” Is this your opinion of those who are
single or single again? I am ashamed to say that there was a time when this
is the way my husband Robert and I felt.
I remember
clearly the Sunday morning we were sitting in our church in Charlotte and
read in the bulletin that the singles were going on a retreat. The notice
asked for donations to make it possible for some who could not afford to pay
to be able to participate. We looked at each other and said, “It’d be nice
not to have anything else to do but to go away, leave your children behind
and have someone else pay for it.” What a lack of understanding we showed!
Within a very few years, God completely changed our concept of singleness.
In 1997 we
moved back home to Wilmington, NC, and began attending a growing church.
Wanting to find a place of ministry, we began considering and praying about
how we could be used in the church. It seemed that every time we turned on
the radio or picked up a Christian publication there was something in it
about singles. Robert finally said, “Do you think God is trying to tell us
something?”
The day finally
came when we decided to take the leap and tell our pastor that we were
interested in teaching the singles. When he asked which class, we said,
“College and Career.” We felt we could relate to this group since our two
children had recently graduated from college. Imagine our dismay when the
pastor told us he had just offered that class to someone else. He did,
however, encourage us to take the class for the older singles. We said we
would pray about it.
God does have a
sense of humor. Once again we faced the onslaught of articles and programs,
only this time they were more specific; they addressed the needs of older
singles. I even met an acquaintance from years before who was involved with
singles, and she urged us to teach the older group. We finally gave in and
agreed to “give it our best shot.”
The class was
to begin the first Sunday in September. Before that time I got a list of
the names and addresses of all the adult singles/singles again in our
church. I wrote each one a note and followed that up with a phone call.
The class was promoted in the bulletin during August. On the first day of
class, we were ecstatic to have twelve people – many more than the three to
five we were told to expect. We thought we were off to a flying start and
that it would be smooth sailing from then on. We were in for a rude
awakening!
The first thing
we learned about singles was that they would be there unless they got a
better offer. Secondly, we learned that trust is a big factor with this
group, and it takes about two years of working with them to establish that
trust. Thirdly, we realized that if there is a dating couple in a singles
class and they break up, neither is going to come to class, at least for a
while. But, the most important thing we learned is that we can’t minister
to singles in our own power. We have to give them individually and
corporately to the Lord, and we have to let Him work through us.
Instead of
steadily growing as we hoped, attendance numbers were all over the chart.
Two of the original twelve never came back. Others came sporadically. One
Sunday there were only five people there, and two of those were Robert and
I! But we were determined to stick with it, and eventually we grew to
twelve, fifteen, eighteen and on up to thirty!
I’d like to be
able to say that every idea we conceived and tried was straight from heaven,
but that is just not so. We’ve had some great ideas that became
not-so-great ideas. But we’ve persevered, and God has honored our efforts.
After 2 ½ years we made another class out of our class; the following year
we did the same thing. We only sent a few people from our class to each of
these classes, but the classes have grown rapidly. As a result of all the
new classes being formed, the age of our class members now ranges from 41 –
62, and we usually have at least twenty present on any given Sunday.
If I had to pinpoint
some of the things that make a successful singles Sunday school, I would
suggest the following.
1. Love your class members. Many of
your singles, if not all, will have experienced failure in a love
relationship. They need to know that you love them and that the love is
unconditional.
2. Accept them as they are. None of us
is perfect. While it is always our desire as teachers to lead our learners
into a closer relationship with Christ, most singles have already
experienced being told all that is wrong with them. They need to feel that
they are accepted “as is.”
3. Let them know they are a priority
with you. Call them. Visit them in their homes. Find out what is going on
in their lives so that you can ask, “How is your mom?” or “Have your test
results come back yet?” They need to know that you care.
4. Plan fellowships – at least
once a month. The first year we had no budget, but, realizing that the
Sunday School at our church IS the singles’ ministry, we have since been
given a budget. This has been a tremendous help. Our fellowships have been
as simple as a cookout and as complex as a weekend trip to Williamsburg, VA.
5. Give ownership of your class to the
class members. We have a planning committee that plans our yearly
activities. We also have members whose job it is to plan refreshments,
contact absentees, contact visitors, etc. The more involved the people are,
the more faithful they are liable to be.
6. Reach out. Getting people out of
their comfort zones is difficult. Our class has “adopted” the senior adult
class in our church (those over 70), and we give them a night of fellowship,
food, and entertainment three times a year. It has resulted in the two most
often overlooked groups building relationships with each other. We look
forward to these events as much as the seniors.
7. Encourage them to encourage each
other. We hold Care and Share meetings twice a month in members’ homes.
During this time we share scripture that have spoken to us, share something
that is happening in our lives, or simply visit and get to know each other
better. There is no set format, but we have found that God sends the people
who need to be there each time.
8. Eat together after church
services. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Many singles don’t cook any more
than they absolutely have to and are usually eager to get together for a
meal and fellowship.
9. Consider having a H.E.L.P.S. (Hands
Extended Lead People to the Savior) ministry. There are always things that
need to be done for the churched and unchurched alike. Our projects have
included rebuilding a deck and power washing a house. It’s an excellent way
to build relationships within the class as well as being Christ’s hands
extended to others.
10. Let the class give itself a name.
We chose Single L.I.F.E. as our name because it identifies us as
being a singles class and also tells what we are about. (Learn about
God, Impact our community, Fellowship with other Christian
singles, and Encourage each other)
11. Ask your church to have an on-going
Divorce Care class. This is important for two reasons. While Sunday School
is Bible study time, Divorce Care allows its members to deal with the issues
they face. Also, the bonds formed in Divorce Care carry over into Sunday
School.
12. Don’t give up! Make a commitment
to stick with it and then do it. Remember, most of your students have
already experienced, in a very personal manner, a lack of commitment. You
have to be different for their sakes.
I don’t pretend to
have all the answers for ministering to singles; actually, I still have a
lot of questions. However, I can tell you that it is one of the most
rewarding things Robert and I have ever done. God has used our class
members to teach us many things; they are a blessing to us. But, more
importantly, they are our friends.
